Trigun Christmas Carols
by Ala
Summary: Songs for the Trigun Caroler. (Ala's farewell to the Trigun section)
1. Song One

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
I Want a Kuroneko-sama for Christmas (A Parody of 'I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas)  
  
I want a Kuroneko-sama for Christmas  
  
Only a Kuroneko-sama will do  
  
I don't want a plant, Knives isn't a toy  
  
I want a Kuroneko-sama to play with and enjoy!  
  
I want a Kuroneko-sama for Christmas  
  
I don't think Legato will mind, do you?  
  
And if by chance he does chaos will ensue  
  
But I suppose we'll make do  
  
To my Kuroneko I won't say adieu!  
  
I can see me now on Christmas morning  
  
Creeping down the stairs  
  
Oh what joy, what surprise  
  
When I open up my eyes  
  
To see a Kuroneko-sama there!  
  
I want a Kuroneko-sama for Christmas  
  
Only a Kuroneko-sama will do  
  
No crocodiles, no angry llamas  
  
I only like Kuroneko-samas  
  
And Kuroneko-samas like me too!  
  
Meryl says a neko would claw me up, but then  
  
Vash says a Kuroneko is a vegetarian  
  
There's lots of room for him on our dusty planet  
  
He'd live there with a chair of velvet! 


	2. Song Two

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Vash the Red Coated Outlaw (A Parody of Red Nose Reindeer)  
  
Vash the red coated outlaw  
  
Had a very bright trench coat  
  
And if you ever saw it  
  
You wouldn't miss taking note.  
  
All of the bounty hunters  
  
Used to chase and shoot at Vash  
  
They wanted to turn in the outlaw  
  
For some quick and easy cash.  
  
Then one hot and dusty day  
  
Meryl came to say  
  
"Vash the Stampede won't you try  
  
To stay out of trouble or you'll die!"  
  
Then Vash destroyed the city  
  
Despite Meryl's desperate pleas  
  
Vash the red coated outlaw  
  
If I were you I would flee! 


	3. Song Three

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
I'm Convinced Legato is High (A Parody of Angels We Have Heard on the High)  
  
I'm convinced Legato is high  
  
He keeps licking his left arm  
  
I'm so scared that I might cry  
  
We should all be running.  
  
E-ter-nal pa-in and suff-ering! We're all going to die!  
  
E-ter-nal pa-in and suff-ering! We're all going to die!  
  
I'm convinced Legato is high  
  
He keeps killing the Gung-Ho Guns  
  
Midvalley is next in line  
  
Who will die when he is done?  
  
E-ter-nal pa-in and suff-ering! We're all going to die!  
  
E-ter-nal pa-in and suff-ering! We're all going to die! 


	4. Song Four

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Let Knives Kill! (A Parody of Let it Snow)  
  
Oh the screams outside are frightful  
  
But the killing is so delightful  
  
And since we've no free will  
  
Let Knives Kill!  
  
Let Knives Kill!  
  
Let Knives Kill!  
  
He's not showing signs of stopping  
  
He just continues with the chopping  
  
Until the death of humanity is fulfilled  
  
Let Knives Kill!  
  
Let Knives Kill!  
  
Let Knives Kill!  
  
When the last one finally dies  
  
Knives will probably call it a night  
  
The bodies are starting to draw flies  
  
Knives has concluded everything now is right  
  
Ok now the last human has finished dying  
  
And Vash will soon be crying  
  
Though a lot of blood has been spilled  
  
We'll still  
  
Let Knives Kill!  
  
Let Knives Kill!  
  
Let Knives Kill! 


	5. Song Five

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Spiders Smell (A Parody of Jingle Bells)  
  
Spiders smell  
  
Spiders smell  
  
Spiders smell really bad,  
  
Oh what fun  
  
They are to squish  
  
Underneath my ha-and!  
  
Spiders smell  
  
Spiders smell  
  
Spiders smell really bad,  
  
Oh what fun  
  
They are to squish  
  
Underneath my ha-and!  
  
Dashing through the town  
  
Watch them run away  
  
Oh that one fell down  
  
That's the one I'll slay  
  
BWA HA HA!  
  
Hold on this might sting  
  
Go on towards the light  
  
What fun it is to laugh and sing  
  
Our slaying song tonight!  
  
Oh Spiders smell  
  
Spiders smell  
  
Spiders smell really bad,  
  
Oh what fun  
  
They are to squish  
  
Underneath my ha-and!  
  
AN: Since most of the songs have been about death the next will be about donuts just to prove I'm not a "morbid little thing". 


	6. Song Six

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Oh! Donut Shop! (A Parody of Oh! Christmas Tree)  
  
Oh! Donut Shop!  
  
Oh! Donut Shop!  
  
You give to me sweet donuts!  
  
I eat more, than my fill  
  
I'll add up quite an awesome bill.  
  
Oh! Donut Shop!  
  
Oh! Donut Shop!  
  
You give to me sweet donuts!  
  
Who cares if Knives, kills humanity  
  
If I have you, I'll be happy.  
  
Oh! Donut Shop!  
  
Oh! Donut Shop!  
  
You give to me sweet donuts!  
  
Let Wolfwood smoke, and Meryl scream  
  
I have a donut, filled with cream.  
  
Oh! Donut Shop!  
  
Oh! Donut Shop!  
  
You give to me sweet donuts! 


	7. Song Seven

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Let's Save the World (A Parody of Joy to the World)  
  
Let's save the world  
  
With love and Peace  
  
Trouble is all Knives'll bring!  
  
We must live as Rem ta-aught us!  
  
Everything must be-e just!  
  
Unlike what we did to Steve  
  
Unlike what we did to Steve  
  
Unli-ike what we did to Steve!  
  
Let's save the world  
  
With love and Peace  
  
Trouble is all Knives'll bring!  
  
Please make Meryl stop following me!  
  
It's getting really cre-epy!  
  
She never seems to leave  
  
She never seems to leave  
  
She ne-ever seems to leave!  
  
Let's save the world  
  
With love and Peace  
  
Trouble is all Knives'll bring!  
  
Humans can't be so-o bad!  
  
After all they made donuts!  
  
And donuts are so sweet  
  
And donuts are so sweet  
  
And do-onuts are so sweet! 


	8. Song Eight

AN: Oh, you guys. I feel horrible. This was meant to be updated daily, but I abandoned you!!!! So . if it was updated the 17th. and today is the 21st .. That means I owe you. 4 songs. Well, here they are; updated rapid fire.  
  
PS: With the way the reviews are going on this I think that little statement about "farewell to the Trigun section" might be retracted.  
  
Love,  
  
The Ala  
  
Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Slap the Outlaw (A Parody of Deck the Halls)  
  
Slap the outlaw named Vash the Stampede  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
He's bad for the insurance company  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
Who's worse him or his dumb brother?  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
It's pro'ly 'cause they had Rem for a mother  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
Vash will be the cause of my early death  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
All he leaves is destruction in his path  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
Plus he's friends with that traveling priest  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
Yeah, the one that hits on Millie  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
Him and his read coat need to go  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
All the bounty hunters say "whoa"  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
When he shows them his gun skills  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
He's the one I'mna kill!  
  
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!  
  
(As sung by Meryl) 


	9. Song Nine

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Wanderin' A Barren Desert Land (A Parody of Walking in a Winter Wonderland)  
  
Vultures crow, Cats go 'Nyao'  
  
I really wish I had some chow  
  
A disheartening sight; I'm so lost tonight  
  
Wanderin' a barren desert land!  
  
Gone away is the sand steamer  
  
I need a bus but I'm justa dreamer  
  
And I must be strong to keep going on  
  
Wanderin' a barren desert land !  
  
This cross is getting really heavy  
  
I'm thinkin' I'll just leave it on the ground  
  
I need to speed it up if I'mna find that outlaw  
  
With my lucky he won't even been in town!  
  
Later on I'll get tired  
  
And I'll dream of never being hired  
  
'I hate this dumb job' I think as I sob  
  
Wanderin' a barren desert land!  
  
Hey, is that a bus over there?  
  
If I pretend I'm dead maybe they'll stop?  
  
So down upon the ground do I plop  
  
Oh my God it's the Vash the freakin' Stampede!  
  
Maybe this job is better than it sounds?  
  
Though these people are a-stinking  
  
There's plenty of water for the drinking  
  
I don't mind Vash's snores  
  
'Cause now there's no more  
  
Wanderin' a barren desert land  
  
Wanderin' a barren desert land  
  
Wanderin' a barren desert land!  
  
(I'll give you one good guess who sings this song.) 


	10. Song Ten

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
We Thirteen are Gung-Ho Guns (A Parody of We Three Kings of Orient Are)  
  
We thirteen are Gung-Ho Guns  
  
We bring weapons to slash and smash  
  
Bringing war, and blood and gore  
  
Following the outlaw, Vash!  
  
O, Vash with his coat so very bright  
  
We'll get you later if not tonight  
  
With Legato leading, you'll be pleading  
  
In your death we'll take delight!  
  
Born a plant on a SEEDS ship  
  
You really need to get a grip  
  
Suffering forever, ceasing never  
  
There'll be so much pain!  
  
O, Vash with his coat so very bright  
  
We'll get you later if not tonight  
  
With Legato leading, you'll be pleading  
  
In your death we'll take delight!  
  
We follow Knives's commands  
  
Even though we don't always understand  
  
But as long as he's paying, we'll be praising,  
  
Worship him, Knives the Plant-King.  
  
O, Vash with his coat so very bright  
  
We'll get you later if not tonight  
  
With Legato leading, you'll be pleading  
  
In your death we'll take delight!  
  
I'm pretty sure we're all going to die  
  
How I know I can't say why.  
  
Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying,  
  
Yeah, I'd say we're all screwed.  
  
O, Vash with his coat so very bright  
  
We'll get you later if not tonight  
  
With Legato leading, you'll be pleading  
  
In your death we'll take delight!  
  
We won't see the final fight  
  
But really that is quite all right.  
  
Knives will say, "Human's stink!"  
  
And Vash'll go, "You need a shrink!"  
  
O, Vash with his coat so very bright  
  
We'll get you later if not tonight  
  
With Legato leading, you'll be pleading  
  
In your death we'll take delight! 


	11. Song Eleven

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
We Wish You Love and Peace (A Parody of We Wish You A Merry Chirstmas)  
  
We wish you love and peace  
  
We wish you love and peace  
  
We wish you love and peace  
  
And a good donut or two.  
  
We all know Vash is coming  
  
We all know Vash is coming  
  
We all know Vash is coming  
  
And soon nothing will be here. 


	12. Song Twelve

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Do You Hear What I Hear? (A Parody of Do You Hear What I Hear? [Bet you woulda never guessed, huh?])  
  
Said Master Knives to Legato  
  
Do you see what I see  
  
Down in that town, Legato  
  
It's Vash, it's Vash, the one that's just hit his head  
  
Soon he will be dead  
  
Soon he will be dead!  
  
Said Legato to the Gung-Ho Guns  
  
Do you hear what I hear  
  
A song, a song, which once was sung by Rem  
  
Sung by the man Knives condemned  
  
Sung by the man Knives condemned!  
  
Said the Gung-Ho Guns to the man named Vash  
  
Do you know what I know  
  
We ask the sixty billion double dollar man, Vash  
  
Your brother, your brother has sent us to kill you  
  
And you haven't even got a clue  
  
And you haven't even got a clue!  
  
Said Vash to his brother, Knives  
  
Listen to what I say  
  
What's wrong with you, Knives  
  
You suck, you suck, you killed Rem you slime  
  
And that's not your only crime  
  
And that's not your only crime! 


	13. Song Thirteen

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
It Came Upon a Sunny Day (A Parody of It Came Upon the Midnight Clear)  
  
It came upon a sunny day  
  
That glorious beam of light  
  
From plants arguing for  
  
What they believed was right  
  
"Love and Peace is for fools  
  
Humans are but trash."  
  
Was the message that Knives sent  
  
To his brother, Vash!  
  
However, Vash did not agree  
  
He lived for the words Rem spoke  
  
And so it was that his last  
  
Patience for his brother broke  
  
The years Vash spent with the humans  
  
Were the best years of his life  
  
And so the battle began  
  
With the cry "Spiders Must Die!"  
  
The two plant brothers began to fight  
  
For Knives's right to commit genocide  
  
Their weapons were their angel arms  
  
Like the one with which Vash smashed July  
  
After firing their angel arms  
  
The plants realized  
  
That they canceled each other out  
  
Their plans had gone awry.  
  
In the end Knives got both guns  
  
And nearly killed Vash  
  
But Vash had taken Wolfwood's cross  
  
Who would win the clash?  
  
Well, Knives fell down with a loud "thump"  
  
He was bleeding quite bad  
  
And Vash threw off his read coat  
  
Not looking at all mad. 


	14. Song Fourteen

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Shiny Spikes (A Parody of Silver Bells and a tribute to E.G. Mine, my favorite Gung-Ho Gun)  
  
Dusty sidewalks, city sidewalks  
  
People bustling around  
  
In the air  
  
There's a felling  
  
Of death.  
  
Children laughing  
  
People passing  
  
Meeting snicker after snicker  
  
Keep on pointing and laughing at me!  
  
Shiny spikes, Shiny spikes  
  
Everyone's going to die in this city  
  
Whoosh hit splat, hey there's that cat!  
  
The one that follows me 'round.  
  
People screaming  
  
Here them screaming  
  
Everything's turned bright red  
  
That should teach them to laugh  
  
At me.  
  
Hear their bones crunch  
  
Let's get that bunch!  
  
Oh, there's quite a scene  
  
And above all this bustle  
  
You'll see  
  
Shiny spikes, Shiny spikes  
  
Everyone's going to die in this city  
  
Whoosh hit splat, hey there's that cat!  
  
The one that follows me 'round. 


	15. Song Fifteen

Trigun Christmas Carols  
  
Vash the Stampede's Coming to Town (A Parody of Santa Claus is Coming to Town)  
  
You better watch out  
  
Try not to get shot  
  
And please don't shout  
  
Vash cannot be caught  
  
Vash the Stampede's coming to town  
  
He's wrecking the city  
  
Preachin' 'bout love 'n' peace  
  
Even might bring his friend the priest  
  
Vash the Stampede's coming to town  
  
He smashes all the buildings  
  
He ruins the city's plant  
  
And those insurance girls will follow him soon  
  
So prepare to hear Meryl rant  
  
O! You better watch out!  
  
Try not to get shot  
  
And please don't shout  
  
Vash cannot be caught  
  
Vash the Stampede's coming to town  
  
Vash the Stampede's coming to town! 


End file.
